Cindy Eastman joins the Spotlight to share her memoir in essays, True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver

Author Name: Cindy Eastman

Book Title: True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver

Book Genre: Memoir in Essays

Release Date: September 17, 2024

Publisher: She Writes Press

Welcome, Cindy! Please tell us a bit about True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver.

There are over 50 million Americans providing care for a family member in the US and it’s not always the so-called rewarding job it’s cracked up to be. The essays in this book cover the gamut of feelings—both loving and challenging–that came up for one of these caregivers—the author and her dad, Warren.

What drew you to write a memoir about this experience? What made you want to tell this particular story? What do you hope readers will gain or learn from reading about your experience?

Early on in my caregiving experience—and it is only my experience that I wrote about—I knew that I had to record the details and the emotions and the challenges that came up for me. Even as I was writing these essays, I was feeling that many of them were on the negative side and I was surprised how often I felt that way—sometimes angry or resentful and almost always exhausted. Then one afternoon I sat on a panel of caregivers for a conference on aging and shared some of these feelings—alongside a woman who was practically glorifying the situation! Even though I felt like I was the lone voice expressing the dark side, I stood my ground. It wasn’t until after the session that I had many people come up to me and thank me for saying out loud what they themselves had been feeling. It struck me that it was a side of the story that needed to be told. And I hope my experience will affirm what many people are forced to confront these days.

From your perspective, what’s the hardest thing about writing and researching? And what do you love most about it?

I didn’t have to do too much research while writing this book, since I was living it. But it was hard at times to write about it. I often felt like the worst daughter in the world as I described how my dad had changed from the amazing human who raised me to a cranky, unappreciative old man. But I knew it was important to capture the whole story, because only then would I be able to portray the whole human. Not all the experiences made it into the book, but I think, because I wrote them anyway, it helped me process and understand my experience—our experience—more deeply. That’s really what I love most about writing—the ability to make meaning from our lived experiences.

What was the last book you read? What did you think of it?

I reread The Little Prince. Although I’ve referred to it—and referred it—many times over the years, I think the last time I read it was in French when it was assigned in my high school French class. And I’ve read quotes and excerpts since then, but I decided to read it again—this time in English. And it was as delightful and relevant as I remembered it to be.

Where can readers find you?

I have a website where most of my stuff is headquartered, but to go straight to my weekly writing, I have a couple of Substack newsletters. One is called Silver Linings where I write about aging, grief, social observations or whatever shows up in my brain that week. I also put out one called Writual which compiles events and resources for writers as well as any workshops I hold in person and online.

Cindyeastman.com  – website

Silver Linings – weekly essays

Instagram – @cindyeastman

Facebook – CLEastmanAuthor

Thank you, Cindy! True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver is out NOW.

True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver

Written for caregivers of parents and spouses, this funny but brutally honest collection of essays from award-winning author Eastman challenges the romanticized notion of caregiving, portraying it as an elegant conflict that reshapes family dynamics.

At first grateful to be able remodel the dining room of her family’s modest home in Connecticut to accommodate her eighty-six-year-old father for what everyone felt would be a short duration of care, Cindy Eastman ultimately experienced a whole gamut of feelings over the course of what turned out to be four years of caring for her dying dad. Caregiving impacts everyone, and this account–told in essays recorded before, during, and after the time Eastman’s father was with her–details that impact, not just on the primary caregiver but also the rest of the family.

One of the reasons Eastman committed to writing down her experiences was because she predicted that once her dad died, there would be a tendency to soften or even deny any of the negative and challenging times–and there were many. As of 2020, more than 53 million adults provide homecare in this country, and the reality of that arrangement is different for every family. It is not, as some might suggest, a “noble gesture” but rather an elegant conflict–an intricate reassembling of the family dynamic that many people don’t ever see coming. In these candid, often poignant essays, Cindy Eastman brings all the emotions of taking on the challenging responsibility of caregiving a parent at the end of their life to the surface.

Author bio:

Cindy Eastman is an award-winning author whose work is informed by her ability to be an observer as well as a participant in her life. Cindy’s first book, Flip-Flops After 50: And Other Thoughts On Aging I Remembered To Write Down, was published in 2014. She has essays in several other anthologies and in online magazines and writes a weekly essay called Silver Linings. She is the creator of the “Writual” writing program, has presented nationally at the Story Circle Network Women’s Writing Conference, and has been a featured speaker on a number of panels and programs. An educator for over twenty-five years, she has a master’s degree in education and is an adjunct at Naugatuck Valley Community College teaching English. Cindy lives with her husband, Angelo, in Watertown, Connecticut.