It’s Not Halloween, Jackass

As I sit down to write this post, I realize that what I’m about to say may motivate someone to throw a brick through my window—please don’t—but it needs to be said. Philly, I love ya, but what’s with the sports jerseys, any season, any occasion?

I honestly don’t have a problem when fans wear their favorite team jerseys at the stadium or while watching a game on TV. I get it. You’re fans. It’s fun. It’s when I see a grown man in July wearing his Eagles jersey for no good reason other than it’s Tuesday. Or the moron who decides it’s OK to wear his Flyers jersey to Thanksgiving dinner, like it’s his formal wear. No, it’s not formal wear. And that’s not your name on the back. It doesn’t matter that you’ve shelled out hundreds of hard-earned dollars for the thing.

I give a pass to kids. The name on the back of their jersey may be a player they look up to, someone who inspires them. That’s fine if you’re twelve. Not so much if you’re 44. What, are you a big fan of Chase Utley? Do you want to be like him when you grow up? Do you loooooove him? Exactly. Kids also like to dress up as their favorite superhero for the same reasons they want to dress up like their favorite sports heroes. Grownups don’t do that. At least not on a Tuesday in July. When Virginia was little, we took her to Disneyland for her birthday. She was dressed to the nines in her pint-sized Cinderella costume. And every time she spotted one of the Disney princesses that roam around the park, she’d tackle them in an adorable bear hug. It’s cute when you’re three, less so as you get older. Behavior like that gets adults arrested.

There’s definitely a cut off age for costumes, Underoos, and wearing your Spider-Man pajamas in public. I say let’s extend that to sports jerseys. I know, plenty of people dress in costumes sometimes.  But at least the guys and gals who like to dress up as Klingons have the decency to wait for Comic-Con as their occasion. It’s like a social agreement. If you decide to wear a costume in public, people will stare and judge. I know that Julian Schnabel may disagree, but he probably understands he’s being self-indulgent. So unless you’re at work directing the next Diving Bell, put on a real shirt.

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